And The Results Are In…

I recently met with the doctor who performed my diagnostic testing to discuss his findings. He looked concerned at the beginning – I think he was worried I would react negatively to what he had to tell me. So, he asked me how best to lay things out…did I want the detailed discussion leading up to the diagnosis, or did I want the short and sweet of it first, with back-fill after. My preference: let’s cut to the chase.

So, officially, I am not on the spectrum, though I possess many traits that people who are on the spectrum, demonstrate. I fall into a new diagnosis (new to the DSM-V, that is); Social (Pragmatic) Communication Disorder, as well as Social Anxiety Disorder. (He also concurred with my current physician’s diagnoses of Major Depressive Disorder and PTSD).

We covered a lot of ground during our meeting, but we didn’t get through the whole report – which he is mailing to me, so I still need to go over that when it arrives. I’m not disappointed by the diagnosis. We discussed the symptoms in depth, and it makes perfect sense. In addition, he was able to provide me with a list of providers that specialize in this disorder, so there is the opportunity for me to benefit from a specific type of speech/language therapy, known as heuristics.

I think the biggest ‘question’ in my mind right now revolves around community. I am not autistic, even though I self-identify with so many of the traits, especially those related to how I interpret cues (or, more frequently…miss them altogether) from my environment. But, I suspect, given what I’ve experienced within the Autism community so far, that the absence of an ASD diagnosis would NOT result in any kind of exclusion or rejection. Far from it: I find people in this community to be very inclusive, compassionate, and supportive. Most have suffered greatly at the hands of a largely NeuroTypical society that habitually pathologizes cognitive and behavioral differences instead of trying to understand them. I guess, what I’m saying, is that I feel at home in this community, and that is something extraordinary, and precious, indeed.

God bless you today, and every day!!



Autistic, Staring, and Silent

the silent wave

I’ve heard some parents of autistic children mention that their child stares into space, sometimes for long periods of time, usually without saying anything.

I was one of those Aspergian/autistic children.  And I did this. 

Now I’m an Aspergian/autistic adult.  And I still do this.

I won’t claim to speak for your child, nor any other autistic person, no matter what their age.  As usual, I can only speak for myself.

And today, true to form, I will .

What was I thinking about when I was staring into space?

As a child, I would stare at my dinner plate, imagining that the plate was the surface of another world.  I would imagine what it would be like to inhabit that world.  How there’s nothing to do, and how boring that must be.  I did the same with the kitchen table surface, and throughout the span of my early childhood…

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My Perspective on “Demons”, and Why I Embrace Them

“Be shomer in zililut da’as (Be sober and vigilant). Your adversary Hasatan [Samma’el] (Accuser), prowls around like a roaring arye (lion), seeking whom to swallow.” – 1 Kefa 5:7-9, Orthodox Jewish Bible

Samma’el (Hebrew: סמאל‎, “Venom of God” or “Poison of God” or “Severity of God”): Viewed as seducer and destroyer, has been regarded as both good and evil; the most wicked of angels, but still in service to the Lord.

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Musings: Cultivating Patience

Loved this pearl of wisdom



I’m not proud to admit that as I get older, I’ve become more impatient. It could come from living in a city where everything is done efficiently and like clockwork. Or it could be that because as you get older and more experienced, you expect the same from others and your tolerance for tardiness and inefficiency decreases. I rarely entertain rudeness without speaking out, I expect people to treat my loved ones or myself with respect, and when things take too long, I feel a slight tinge of irritation which takes some self-control to rein in.

Does all this make me a better person? I’m not sure. Some would say it’s not a bad thing to have certain expectations of people and systems. After all, impatience, drive and effectiveness are often synonymous. But more often than not, I regret acting out of impatience. It doesn’t make me feel like a better…

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